How to make fear your friend

Written by Alex Poeter

Fear of failure or of being judged prevents many people from living more fully into their true purpose and greater potential.  This is particularly true for those who are attempting something new or who want to step into a bigger leadership version of themselves.  As we’re about to take a big step to do something we haven’t done before, our protective survival mechanism triggers a fear reaction because it sees “stepping out of our comfort zone” or “doing something new” as dangerous.  This causes us to play small and avoid opportunities that can take our growth and impact to the next level. 

Here are 3 concepts that have helped me and the people I’ve worked with to stop fear from getting in the way of pursuing big and audacious goals. 

(1)  These fears aren’t real – they’re “thought-generated”.  Whenever a scary thought pops into our head, it triggers an uncomfortable feeling and we tend to respond by not doing the thing we’re afraid of.  When this happens, recognize that this thought doesn’t have any intrinsic power.  It will only become real if we believe that it’s valid and true.  Knowing this, we can free ourselves from the grip fear has on us.  Instead, we can just observe it and allow it to pass through without getting caught up in it.

(2)  Fear is no indicator of whether or not we’ll be able to succeed.  For example, we might be afraid of speaking in front of an audience and believe that the fear is trying to warn us that something bad is about to happen.  However, we’ve all been afraid of something that turned out to be a success, and we’ve all been unafraid of something that turned out to be not so great.  The fact that fear isn’t really telling us anything about the likelihood of success should encourage us to attempt whatever we are afraid of.

(3)  Fear can be our friend -- if we see it as an indicator that we’ve been pulled out of presence and that we’re not functioning as our best selves.  Just like a warning light going on in a car is making us aware that there is something we need to take care of, fear can be a valuable sign telling us to not stay caught up in our fearful thoughts.  This can easily be done by focusing our attention on whatever we might be feeling in our body, which helps us to reground ourselves.  Putting our awareness on our body sensations instantly pulls us back into the present moment because we can only feel our body if we’re present.  And if you’re noticing any tightness in your body, breathe into this tightness while keeping your attention on it.  This releases the fear-based tension stored in the body.  Breathing deeply also activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which pulls you out of fight or flight (fear) and tells your body that it’s safe.

So, what audacious goal would you pursue this year if you gave yourself permission to not allow fear to get in your way?