The risks of playing small to please others
Written by Alex Poeter
Do you ever find yourself playing small in your work to please others? Do you ever hold back your leadership, failing to live into your full potential, just to make sure others won’t feel threatened if you keep growing? This dynamic often shows up among colleagues and in relationships between leaders who are stuck in fear patterns and people who work for them. “Playing small to please others” patterns can also show up within fear and scarcity-driven organizational cultures where new ideas and growth are seen as a threat.
Given the growing challenges our world keeps facing, we can’t afford to play small – not if we have big ideas for creating a big impact. Unfortunately, a common side effect of playing small is that we start to create a small version of ourselves that’s based on fear, not truth. And the longer we keep playing small, the more we start doubting ourselves and our ability to play a bigger game. We become less aware of our strengths and true potential and eventually give up trying to live into our bigness. So, I want to invite you to reflect on:
Where might you be playing a smaller game than you want to and are capable of?
What are the fears and assumptions that keep this pattern in place?
What are you risking by continuing to play small?
If we allow ourselves to acknowledge wherever we might be playing small to please others and start to break this pattern, we have a much greater chance of living a happier and more fulfilling life. Here are some ideas for how you can transform a pattern like this:
(1) Do an honest assessment with yourself to identify situations where you might be playing small to please others. While it can be painful to face the truth, it’s the only way to create change.
(2) Create a vision for yourself of what you would do if you weren’t afraid of playing big. This allows you to connect to a deeper sense of purpose. When we pursue a vision that’s larger than us, it becomes less about us and thereby increases our willingness to act more boldly. Creating a vision helps us to step out of fear and into new possibilities.
(3) Connect to your strengths. When we’ve been playing small for a while we tend to lose awareness of our strengths. Take some time to write a list of your strengths and how you’d use them to play a bigger game if you stopped playing small.
(4) Talk to three people in your field who know you well and who you trust about the strengths and potential they see in you. Ask them what they think is possible for you as a leader and visionary if you use your strengths without limitations. The key is to talk to people who can wake you up to the truth because you trust their honest feedback.
If you can identify a situation where you tend to play small to please others and you take any of these steps, you will be able to break this pattern. I’ve seen this happen many times in my work. Do you believe you’re worthy of stepping into your bigness? I do.